As I continue sharing with you guys part two of my journey to motherhood. Promised, I won’t make you cry this time, because I was really surprised that most of you did when I was reading your comments on my previous blog (here). I am so overwhelmed with the number of women’s hearts I have touched with that post and never really expect that most of you are also experiencing the same or similar journey as I did. I may not have replied to all of you but I have read them all and appreciate all your sweet messages and for that, I thank you so much for reaching out.
Don’t we all just wish that our life would simply be base on a book or like a fairytale where we can just write our own story and make happy endings? Life would have been so perfect, wouldn’t it? But I believe there’s no perfection in life, God will always test our faith and give us challenges.
When people get married, most couples plan on having children right away. And practically we were one of those couples eager to start a family. I was planning on having two children, a boy, and a girl, that would seem to be a perfect family in my mind. But that didn’t quite happen as we all know it.
Sorry, it took me so long to write this continuation, since I have been busy taking care of my son and had been totally hands-on with him since day one. And also we have just settled back in our house here in Butuan after our months of stay in Manila. There are so many adjustments in our house now that our son has arrived.
As I continue my story, I know there will still be a lot of you that have many questions in mind for me. There is so much I wanna share but as I have said previously, I need to keep some parts of my journey private, which I know you guys will respect and understand. So maybe when we see each other in public, saying hi and hello and maybe a congratulation will hopefully be in order.
Let me take you guys back again on a little history of my battle with infertility. From the series of procedures that I have mentioned previously, four (4) IUI and five (5) IVF. Well, that excludes the number of times me and my husband had to have sex just for that single thought that we could miraculously get pregnant naturally. Did you know that we women only have a 5-day window of chances of getting ourselves pregnant every month? I think the best time to conceive is on your 11th to 16th day of your cycle/period. You can ask your doctor about it or buy an ovulation kit to know if you are ovulating. So, whenever we do the time off from all these failed procedures, we can’t help but try so hard to get pregnant naturally, I mean who wouldn’t want that right?
Making love to your partner is supposed to be the most intimate and romantic thing in a relationship. But when you’re pressured to get yourself pregnant, that makes it a whole different story. Making sex so stressful and not fun at all. My husband is never a fan of this so-called “scheduled sex” when you know you are ovulating, you just had to do it at that particular time of the day. If you are not sure if you are ovulating or not, you can buy this ovulation kit that you can find at the drug store. It’s like a urine pregnancy test, two lines appear when you are ovulating and that is the best time to make love with your beau.
Remember when I said that I tried everything just to get myself pregnant on my previous post? Well, I think it was four years ag that a good friend of mine recommended this book about how to get yourself pregnant. At first, I thought it was impossible to do but then I followed the book and that includes me eating super clean and going on a detox. I wouldn’t eat anything not organic and I don’t eat processed food and I check food labels like a crazy inspector before buying it. I even went all chemical free with all my toiletries and household products. Well, let me just say that I went too far and it was probably the most expensive lifestyle and my husband thought I was going nuts. I did it all to keep myself healthy and I think somehow it had help but I just went too far so now I am just a little in the middle. I am really still very particular of the products I use for my body and the food I put in my mouth especially now that Riley is here, it has to be 99% if not 100% all natural.
It was with the second IVF that actually got me pregnant for the first time but lost the baby at 7 weeks. I can still perfectly remember that I was in the powder room when our doctor called on my phone to tell us about the results and my husband had to answer it for me. As soon as he put down the phone, Ryan went running in the powder room jumping with excitement telling me that the result was positive! We were pregnant! I was crying with joy while hugging him. It was one of the best news of our lives. We immediately told our family about it and our friends. But sadly we lost it at 7 weeks. I can still remember the doctors face when he couldn’t find the heartbeat of our little angel. We went straight to the mall after hearing the bad news from our doctor. I thought that some retail therapy would somehow ease my pain. But unfortunately it didn’t, I was like a crazy person at the mall crying every time I see a baby passes us by, so we ended up going home as fast as we could and I burst into tears.
The fourth one (February 2016) got me pregnant too but lost it at 5 weeks. I went to depression every time these procedures fail. I didn’t want to leave the house and see people. And I ate just about anything, didn’t care if it was organic or not or healthy for that matter. I ate all the junk food and unhealthy food and just didn’t care at all. I cry without any reason. I was freaking crazy! Then one night, I told my husband if I can cry one last time, and he said “go ahead” and it was only that time I was able to let all my feelings out. I cried so hard that night like it was one of the lowest points of my life.
It was after that procedure which actually pushed me to start my blog so I can focus on something else. I needed a diversion and blogging was a perfect tool as I was able to keep myself busy and do what I love.
As months go by, Ryan and I actually thought about and even considered having no baby in our life. “You and me, just as two.” We basically enjoyed the time we spent together. But as I’ve said before my father didn’t want me to give up and wanted us to try one last time and so we did.
It was last year, 2017, we had our fifth and final IVF. We did everything differently this time and had ourselves ready for the possibility that it can still fail and then accept that maybe having a baby wasn’t in the cards for us.
It was another long 15days of our life to see if we were pregnant or not from the time of implantation. Having done this for so many times just makes you so paranoid that every time I go to the bathroom to pee I always check my undies if it has blood spots or not. Having an unusual feeling or menstrual symptoms like cramps gives me anxiety but still, you really need to not be stressed out and just have to focus on something else. Well, believe me, it is so hard when all you do all day is take a lot of medicines and suppository like that is not a constant reminder enough.
Then came judgment day, are we pregnant or not? I didn’t want to take the urine pregnancy because I cursed those urine pregnancy test years ago, seeing one line of that plastic thingy is just dreadful so we went straight to the clinic for a blood test instead. We waited a couple of minutes for the result and prepared myself for whatever the result would be, I prayed to God to give me acceptance.
I was probably browsing through my Instagram when the nurse taps my back and gave me a big smile and nodded her head. Immediately tears run down my cheeks. We were pregnant!
As much as we wanted to celebrate and tell the world, we were holding back since we were not in the safe zone yet. We felt the need to pass the first trimester and take it from there. We even waited until the fifth month until we really believed that it was happening. By this time, we already started preparing the baby’s room. Well, actually we already made two kids room when we build our house before we got married. And for the past 9 years my husband use it for storage, so all we had to do was to do some minor renovation and major clean up as we transform it into a nursery room.
It wasn’t until the 8th month that I started buying stuff for the baby because I really didn’t wanna jinx it or anything of that sort. Or maybe I didn’t wanna believe it was really happening until I see my baby out. So on the 8th month, I just went all out baby stuff shopping for days which was actually fun coz I have been wanting to do it for the longest time.
Fast forward to June, a healthy baby boy weighing at 7.7lbs was born. Meet my son, Riley Scott Dy Tiu. All the struggle and pain for almost 9 years just simply went away the moment I lay my eyes on him.
We have been waiting for this little one for nine long years and God has truly answered our prayers in His perfect time and in a way that we never imagined. It was such a long and tough journey but we made it through. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful support system. I have my loving husband who never let go of my hand from the start. My dearest parents who’re unconditional love and support I can never repay. Ma and Pa, THANK YOU so much for everything, we love you both so much. Being a mom now has given me so much understanding on why you do the things that you did and will do for me without asking anything in return because you only want what’s best for your child. I know Ryan and I will try so hard to be the best parents to Riley. To my family and friends, thank you for love and understanding, you were all amazing, you were all my constant shoulder to lean on and retail therapy buddies. My sister Stephanie, my brothers, my in-laws, my charmed sisters Antong and Goodjay, my blogger bestie Nicole, to the beautiful wine ladies (you know who you are), and lastly my Auntie Alice and her children who has taken good care of me and Riley while I was in Manila, you treat me like your own daughter, Thank you so much Aco. And to each and every one of you, I know you are all happy for me and for that I thank you all, truly.
To all the women out there who are still trying to conceive. Never give up! Have faith and trust in Him and embrace his plans. I would strongly suggest consulting a doctor as early as possible so you guys know what’s the problem if there’s one and are treated right away. It is always best to know our options. Have a second, third or up to the fifth opinion, don’t just seek for one doctor. It is so easy to say not to stress yourself about it but just by thinking of it is already stressful enough. People tell you to relax and go on a vacation and try not to think about it. Well, that actually helps, and one of the things that really help me distress about it was my blog. If you guys recall, I started this blog in 2016. My blog helped me kept busy and focus about the things that I am passionate about and somehow get my mind away from my cycle, my ovulation, scheduled sex (which my husband hates), and doctors appointment. I believe everything happens for a reason and God truly works in mysterious ways. We just have to trust Him and embrace His plans for us.
I may have my happy ending as I now have Riley Scott, but my journey to motherhood has only just begun. If getting pregnant was hard enough, I think raising a child is even so much harder. So until then, I will have a series of “Mommy Diaries” to share with you guys this blessing called “MOTHERHOOD”.